Yes, Virginia, there’s a Santa Claus. And yes, footman, there is a heaven occupied by pretty girls with wiggly toes and sexy arches ready to accommodate the contours of your johnson. But we suggest that waiting to die to get there is an awful waste of time when you could be snuggling under the covers to the contents of this movie. True, you may pass away in untimely fashion – but at least with a smile on your face – leaving the rescue squad guys wondering what all that crusty fuck is on your sheets. Explain that one.

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